Julia in Buffalo
by Nordique1
Summary: Takes place after the season 3 finale but before the season 4 Buffalo shuffle episode
1. Chapter 1

I should have known. I should have known. I should have known. I should have known...

Its has though the rhythm of the train's wheels hitting the rails were mocking her. All these months of agonizing on how to tell him that she was sterile. Wondering how he would react. He had reacted like she had feared...

"William please say something."

"I don't know what to say."

"That says it all then. Doesn't it?"

Then George showed up and William could not wait to get away from her. She had hoped he would come back that night. Had waited at the morgue late that evening but he never came. She even waited all night long at her house hoping he would show up there. Time and time again, she went through her head how perhaps she could have presented him with the news differently. Maybe had she been less direct, taken more time to explain to him, he would have reacted differently, maybe he would have reacted better. As she sat in her drawing room looking out the window she slowly saw the sun rise and admitted to herself that he would not come. She started to get ready to go to the station.

Now sitting in the train, she kept going over their conversation and she finally admitted to herself what she had always known. It would not have mattered how she told him. He would have reacted the same way. He wanted a family, children, a home. What he had missed out in his own childhood. He had been honest with her from the beginning. He had never hidden from her his desire for children and family. It had been obvious in his choice of companions in his previous relationships. Liza had been a nice young catholic girl who wanted nothing else but make a home for her husband and children. Mrs. Jones also had no aspirations other than home and family. It was her, Julia who was the odd one out.

She probably should never have agreed to resume their relationship after their falling out over her abortion. It was then that she had dared to hope that perhaps it could work for William and she. Even though he knew about her abortion, he was still willing to court her. She probably should have told him there and then. It would have saved both of them so much heartache. But she had been selfish. She had wanted to grasp whatever happiness she could get with William, even tough she knew deep down that it would not last. Those short few months had been wonderful though. She only wished she had been more daring with him. Knowing as she did deep down that their time together was limited, she should have tried to deepen their relationship. She had let him take the lead in that respect. Had respected his morals and beliefs about courtship. So often she had hoped he would not stop when their kisses became very intimate, but he always did. She knew that had she wanted, things could have gone further, but she had respected his beliefs. Now she wished she had not stopped him during that picnic. But it had been so early in their relationship, and she had not been willing to let it go that far that soon. In her experience, the fear of getting a girl pregnant is the best way to cool the ardors of a suitor. It had worked on William. It had worked too well in fact. He never suspected that she was unable to have children.

But as the months went by, and their relationship deepened, she knew that she had to tell him. She had tried so many times, but each time, at the last second, had lacked the courage to go through with it. She knew that while William had been able to deal with her abortion, her inability to have children would be a totally different thing. She was not sure she could work with him after, after … their break-up. She had barely been able to endure it the first time, there is no way she could bear it a second time. That is why she had accepted the job offer in Buffalo. She had known that he could not accept her sterility. That telling him would herald the end of their relationship. Buffalo was the answer. She would be away from William. She would not have to witness him courting another women, marrying her… having children with her. She had barely been able to stand that Mrs. Jones, there is no way she could have dealt with seeing William married, happy with children. Yes, Buffalo was the answer, away from him.

The train continued its trip south, the wheels hitting the tracks mocking her again: I should have known. I should have known. I should have known.


	2. Chapter 2

Julia was sitting at her desk and catching up on her paperwork when she looked at the time, four o'clock. She had time for a quick visit to the girls' ward before the staff meeting. She wanted to have another look at little Emily one more time today. She had operated on her two days ago and while she had seemed to be improving yesterday, by the time Julia had arrived at the hospital this morning, a fever had developed.

"Dammed staff meeting!" Julia muttered to herself. Dr. Abbot liked them. Said it improved the efficiency of the care. Share best practices and all that that stuff. "Bloody waste of time" Julia caught herself thinking. She ruefully silently laughed at herself. She sounded like the inspector, suspicious of modern methods. William would have found this funny. All of a sudden Julia lost her smile. Even now, two months after having left Toronto, she still could not stop herself of thinking of William every few seconds it seems. And it never failed, each time she thought of him, she could feel a sunken feeling of helplessness. Two months and she had not heard a word from him, no letter, not even a quick note. Even though she did not really want to admit it, she had hoped he would have followed her to Buffalo, begged her to come back with him, said, her infertility was of no consequence. But of course she had been wrong. He never came. He never wrote.

Julia shook her head and quickly picked up her notebook and hurriedly walked to the ward to quickly check on little Emily. However by the time she got to the little girl's bed she noticed that Dr. Garland was already there chatting with the girl, making her giggle. When he saw her, he quickly stood up and nodded to her as she approached the bed and said:

"I do apologize Dr. Ogden for looking in at one of your patients without your permission. I hope you are not offended, but she is such an engaging little girl that I find it difficult to go by without stopping when she flashes one of her smile".

"Of course not Dr. Garland" said Julia. "How is Emily doing? Has her fever subsided at all?"

"It has." responded Garland. "See for yourself" as he handed Julia Emily's chart.

"Good. Good" said Julia as she put her hand on the little girl's forehead. Yes indeed, the girl's skin was much cooler than it had been this morning. "Her parents will be relieved." said Julia. "The mother has spent every minute she can spare at the hospital."

"Yes indeed Dr. Ogden." Responded Darcy. "If she continues to improve like this, you may have good news to impart to the mother tomorrow. However not to hurry you, but maybe we should head to the meeting. You know how Dr. Abbot detests anybody arriving late at these meetings. Shall we go?" asked Garland politely stepping aside to let her go first.

Julia gave a quick glance to the tall handsome young doctor as they walked to the meeting room together. Other than professional exchanges, they had had very little to do with each other. She knew he was unmarried. She had picked it up from overhearing nurses giggling and whispering about him. She had even noticed a few of them openly flirting with him.

"Have you settled well in Buffalo Doctor.? asked Garland.

"Quite well thank you" responded Julia. "And the work here at the hospital, you are enjoying it?" He asked again.

"Very much so. It is quite different from my previous position of course." Julia continued.

"Oh yes, Pathology I hear. Quite a dark business I suppose". Darcy responded.

"Not so Dr. " said Julia. "As a matter of fact, I found the work fascinating. While there were some facets of the job that were quite gruesome of course, there was extreme satisfaction in helping the police catch murderers"

"That sounds fascinating. You must tell me more. Perhaps over dinner one night? They had now arrived at the meeting room. "Ah here we are Doctor. After you." gestured Dr. Garland as they entered the meeting room.

Julia sat down at the table where already several doctors were already sitting. Darcy walked to the other side and settled himself down. Dr. Abbot started the meeting. Julia dutifully took down notes as Dr. Abbot went on and on. Like at all the other meetings, her mind inevitably drifted back to Toronto, to William. Her mouth curved up in a small smile as she remembered that day he showed up at that field just as she had been about to take her first solo hot air balloon flight. She had gotten interested in the whole thing after her and William had parted over her news of her abortion. Her friend Isaac had suggested it. She had needed to take her mind of William then. It seemed everywhere she went, she would see William and Mrs Jones together. Mrs. Jones with her proven fertility always made Julia feel inadequate. Reggie and his balloons flights had proven to be a much needed distraction. Then William had showed up with that wonderful little speech about nothing being right and wanting to start again and he had jumped in with her. Julia had never been so happy.

William being William of course would not shut up during the whole flight. He went on and on about anything and everything that morning: the history of hot air balloons, the villages they were flying over, even the Niagara escarpment they could see in the distance. It was only once they had landed in a farmer's field and they were quietly waiting to be picked up that he had finally kissed her.

"Don't you agreed Dr. Ogden?" The question took her out of her reverie. "Yes of course Dr. Abbot " answered Julia hoping her reply made sense.

She sat up straighter in her chair and tried to pay more attention. She happened to glance at Dr. Garland and to her surprise he quickly winked at her. The meeting went on for another hour most of it spent discussing the nurse's uniforms of all things. What a waste of time. It did not take long for her mind to wander back to William again…..

"Well doctors thank you again for attending this meeting. I am so sorry it dragged on this long." finally concluded Dr. Abbot. "I am off to my club for a drink if any of you would care to join me?" There was a small moment of embarrassment as Dr. Abbot glanced at Julia, realizing that she of course could not enter a gentlemen's club.

It had been a long day. Julia quickly went back to her office to get herself ready to go home. She did one last quick visit to Emily to check on her progress. She met Dr. Garland just as she was exiting the hospital.

"You are off for a drink at the club then? " she asked.

"No. not tonight." Answered Darcy. I am quite hungry. I did not have time for lunch, so I am off to diner. Say, would you care to join me? You could tell me more about your work in pathology."

Julia's first instinct was to decline. However the prospect of spending another evening in her apartment going over in her head her last encounter with William like she seemed to do every night just seemed so daunting that she changed her mind.

"I would love to have dinner with you Dr. Garland" answered Julia.

"You must call me Darcy" he replied…..


	3. Chapter 3

Six months now that Julia had left Toronto and not a word from William. Each morning she would rush back to her office the moment the mail cart would roll through. She always had the same hope. Will it be today that a letter from William would arrive? But none ever came. Even the nurses had figured out that the most exciting moment of the day for Julia was when the mail cart rolled by. Julia had overheard two nurses gossiping about her one day: "broken heart, failed loved affair" they had said.

The loneliness had started to get to her. That is why she had agreed to Darcy's dinner invitations. It took her mind off William. She did enjoy the theater and Darcy was an amusing companion. She had noticed though over the last few weeks that his attentions had become more serious. And of course as she had feared, he had proposed. It had not been the most romantic of proposals. He had made a long speech on how compatible they were. How great a team they formed.

"Julia, you must know by now how much I admire you. How much I enjoy your company". He had said. Julia had tried to stop him. She had guessed what was coming. She opened her mouth to talk.

"Let me finish please Julia." Darcy continued.

"I must admit when I first heard that the hospital had hired a woman doctor, I was against it. I thought it was a gimmick to raise funds for the hospital. But then I started working with you and realized that you were no gimmick. You are an excellent doctor Julia and I have never enjoyed working with another doctor as I do you. I think we make an excellent team you and I. We are both committed to our work. We both realize the large demands our profession puts on us."

Darcy stopped for a second to catch his breath, then continued: "Julia, I should come to the point. I have grown very fond of you over the last few months and you would make me the most happiest of man if you were to agree to marry me."

Julia took a long breath before answering. He was such a nice man. She did not want to hurt him. But she did not love him. She could not marry him. Even if she did love him she would have said no. She could not go through the pain of seeing the same disappointment in his eyes as she had seen in William's when she had announced her infertility. He too would refute her. She knew it. She could not go through this again. She had to say no.

"Darcy. You are a wonderful and kind person, but I do not think I can...

Darcy interrupted Julia again: "Julia please do not refuse me so quickly. Think about my offer. You are an extraordinary woman Julia and I do love you. Think how great a team we make you and I. Together we could do so much"

Julia finally said: "Darcy. You talk of partnership, of working together, but what about other aspects of marriage? Do you not want children one day?"

Darcy took a moment to answer.: " Of course if you want a child, perhaps we could have one, later".

Julia decided now was the time: "Darcy, I am unable to have children. I am infertile." She braced herself for his answer. He surprised her : "Julia. It is you I love. Children have never been a great ambition of mine. I must be honest with you Julia, my work is the most important thing in my life and I sensed the same in you? Am I not right?

"Yes, of course my work is important but.." She was interrupted again by Darcy.

"Julia please do not say no to me tonight. Take a few days to think about my offer."

That had been a week ago and Julia knew that she had to give Darcy an answer tonight. She had asked him to meet her at her office at the end of their work day. She had spent the week going over his proposal and had finally decided to refuse him. Everything he had said was right of course. They would make a great team. They could achieve so much together. Darcy was a nice man, but her feelings for him were more those of a brother than a lover. A lover. She could not stop herself from comparing him to William.

When she was with William, all logic left her. Her mind drifted to the day he came back from Bistol. One of her orderlies at the morgue had come in and told her he has seen the Detective go into the station house. She knew she should have waited for him to come to her at the morgue, but she could not stop herself. Without thinking, like a foolish girl she had run from the morgue to the station house, only slowing her steps as she had walked through the door. Then she had seen him, and again could not stop herself and had run and thrown herself in his arms. Even now, so many months later she still blushed at the thought. The inspector and all the constable cheering as her and William kissed. She never lost her control with Darcy. And because of that she knew she would have to say no to him. How could she accept a man's marriage proposal while still loving another?

Someone knocked at the door. Julia looked at the clock and her heart quickened a bit. It was the clerk delivering the afternoon mail. Maybe today there would be a letter from William?

"Here is your afternoon mail Dr. Ogden." Said the clerk. "There is quite a large envelope from Toronto today" he added.

Julia stopped. An envelope from Toronto? She waited until the clerk left her office and with shaking hands looked at it. She immediately recognized William's handwriting. Her heart started beating faster and faster. Her throat tightened up. Finally. He had written. And such big envelope! She was so happy. She tore through the paper, not even bothering to get her letter opener.

Months and months of waiting for news of William. Waiting for a letter. Finally he writes. He writes about a case? Pictures of body parts! All these months of silence and all he wants is her help on a case. Not even one tender word. "Best Regards" After all they had gone through together, the best he can manage is "Best Regards". Julia threw the letter and pictures across her desk and they fell to the floor as tears fell down her cheeks. Finally now she had to admit to herself what she had known for so many months. It was over for William and her. Over.

She did not realize how long she had been sitting there at her desk crying until she heard the clock sound six o'clock. Darcy would here any minute. Mechanically, she picked up the letter and pictures William had sent her and put them away. She took her mirror and wiped all signs of tears from her face. She heard a knock at the door.

"Come in". She said. Darcy came in and shut the door behind him.

"Good evening Julia". said Darcy. "May I sit down?" He asked. Julia did not answer. She felt like a puppet. Like someone was pulling the strings of her arms and legs. Without even realizing she was doing it, she simply got up, walked over to Darcy and said:

"Darcy. I accept your proposal. I will marry you".


	4. Chapter 4

It had now been several weeks since she had agreed to become Darcy's wife and she was still so confused. At first she had simply wanted to get even with William. While she had been tearing herself apart in Buffalo over their break, he had seemingly been doing fine since his first contact with her was about a case. A case! It was now so clear to her. William had never really loved her, not like she loved him anyway. She had been willing to forgo her standing in society, her friends. She had accepted that she would more than likely have to face her father's anger over her relationship with William.

And then Darcy came in with his marriage proposal. Julia did not have to think very long to admit to herself that she did not love Darcy, not like William anyway. Darcy was more like a very good friend. Yet she had to move on. William obviously had decided that having children was more important to him than being with her. William had moved on, so must she. Darcy was part of that. She would not break her engagement to him. She would marry him.

The next day Julia arrived at work and as every morning she did her rounds. She first checked the girls ward then moved on to the boys. As she was looking over the boys she noticed that one of the bed was empty. She looked around for a nurse and found one at the other end of the ward. She walked over: "Nurse why is Ben not in his bed? He should be there at this time of day." The nurse looked at her then looked down at the floor.

" Ben passed away early last night" the nurse answered.

Julia was shocked. Ben dead! How could that be? He had been doing so well lately. Had even started to walk around the hospital garden lately. His appetite had returned. Even though Ben was not her patient, Julia had taken an interest in him, a liking even. His mother had visited a few times and Julia had found her a cold harsh women. She tried so much not to judge. She knew that life is much harder for most people than what she had been brought up to. Never mind that. Something had to be done for Ben. She rushed to Dr. Fulwell's office and barged in without even knocking:

"Dr. Fulwell, did you know that Ben died last night?" she asked.

Dr. Fulwell put his pen down and leaned back on his chair. "Yes Dr. Ogden. Of course I know that Ben is dead. He is my patient after all."

Julia composed herself and continued: "Are you not a bit curious Dr. Fulwell? Ben had been doing so well lately. Do you not think his death is a bit sudden?"

Fulwell got up and walked over to her. "Dr. Ogden. I know that in your previous position, you had to question everything. Had to assume something suspicious might be afoot. That is not the case here. We are an hospital. We have sick children. Sometime some of them die."

"But": Julia tried to say something. Fulwell stopped her.

"There is not but Dr. Ogden": said the doctor. "Ben died of his cancer. It is often the case with cancer patient that they die on a day where they seemed to be doing well. There is nothing wrong here. Just a sick boy who died."

Julia tried to say something again only to be interrupted again. Dr. Fulwell got up took her arm and started walking her towards the door.

"I said there there is nothing here Doctor. I am afraid I have a lot of work to do today. Good day Doctor." said Fulwell.

Julia was shown out the door and just stood there. She thought for a moment and immediately went to Darcy's office. She knocked and walked in. "Darcy did you know that Ben died last night?" Julia did not even bother with niceties. She went straight to the point. Darcy looked up, smiled and her and said:

"Good morning to you too Julia".

"Yes, Yes Good morning Darcy." said Julia impatiently. "How about Ben? Are you not concerned that he died last night? He had been doing so much better, then all of a sudden he dies. Are you not a bit curious?"

Darcy looked at her for a moment then said: "Julia. Dr. Fulwell is an excellent physician and I trust him completely. If he says that Ben died of his cancer then I accept that statement."

Julia looked at Darcy and realized that he was not going to say or do anything to contradict Dr. Fulwell.

"Of course, you must be right Darcy." said Julia. "Please do excuse me. I did not get to even finish my morning rounds." Julia started leaving Darcy's office. Darcy quickly ran to the door and stopped her from opening it by putting his hand on it.

"Julia. I know we both work here, and must remain professional at all time, but surely, I can deserve at least a smile from you".

"Of course. Of course Darcy. I am sorry." said Julia as she quickly gave him a kiss. "But I must go now or I really be behind today".

Julia finally finished her rounds and made it to her office. She still could not accept that Ben's death was natural. She had seen enough suspicious death to recognize one when she saw one. What do to though? Dr. Fulwell insisted nothing was wrong. Even Darcy thought she should just accept Ben's death. Julia did not agree. She knew something was not right here. But how to prove it? Julia's day became very busy after that, but she never really stopped thinking about Ben's death. Finally the day was over and as she was working on her paperwork. Darcy came into her office. "Are you all set to go darling?" asked Darcy. Julia looked up a bit dazed:

"Go, go where Darcy?" asked Julia.

"To dinner of course." answered Darcy. "Remember we had made plans for dinner tonight"

Julia looked at Darcy a bit lost. "Did you forget Julia?" asked Darcy in a teasing manner.

"Yes yes I did. I am so sorry Darcy, but we can we cancel ? I have much work to go through tonight. I was even going to bring some of it home. I am quite tired. I think I should like an early night after I am done with this"

Darcy looked disappointed, but nevertheless agreed: "Let me at least take you home" said Darcy.

"No no thank you Darcy, but I will be fine. I do want to get through some of this before I leave." Julia was pointing at a large pile of files. After a few more unsuccessful attempts, Darcy finally agreed to leave Julia finish her work.

Julia had been toying with the idea of getting in touch with William about Ben's death. While she knew that it would probably be difficult for William to do any work without having any official capacity, she still thought he was the best person to help her with this. She would also have to inform him of her engagement. How would he take it? Perhaps he had moved on also? He certainly did not wait very long to start courting Mrs. Jones after they parted the first time. Yes he probably would take no notice of her engagement. She had made her decision. She quickly put her hat, coat and gloves on and rushed to the door. Her habitual cab was waiting for her. She asked him to stopped on the way home to send a quick wire...

Julia had slept badly that night. She had tossed and turned all night long wondering if William would accept to come. Scarred that he would refuse. Scared that he would come. She woke up early that day. Anxious to know if William had responded to her cable. When she went down for breakfast she noticed an envelope had been placed by her plate. She sat down and looked at it for a minute or so before opening it. She picked it up with shacking hand. He would come. He was coming today! Today, this afternoon. Her heart starting beating faster, her hands felt moist. She looked around a few times and quickly got up.

Julia had been nervous all day. The morning had dragged on endlessly. Darcy had come over for a chat at lunch, but Julia had sent him away with the excuse of work again. It was now late afternoon and William should be here anytime. Julia bent down to talk to the girl. They exchanged a few words and suddenly Julia felt something. Even before she turned around, she knew. He was here. Here, close to her. She turned around and there he was. Before she could stop herself she started walking rapidly towards him. It took all her self-control to stop herself from running. She wanted to do the same thing she had done when he had come back from Bristol, throw herself in his arms. At the last second, reality hit her. She was engaged to Darcy.

She simply grabbed his arm and said: "This way Sir".

The End


End file.
